Just wait

You mean it gets worse?

Every time I mentioned to my father-in-law that the stage I was going through with my daughter was challenging, he would reply the same thing— “Just wait.” That response always shocked and terrified me. Just wait? You mean it gets worse?

When my baby wouldn’t stop crying, and I was yearning for a moment of shut-eye—“Just wait.”

When my toddler would get into every pot and pan, and I couldn’t get her through the grocery store without trying to knock over something—“Just wait.”

When my school-age kid was headstrong, temperamental, refusing to listen, and wouldn’t sit still— “Just wait.”

Is this parenting? Just a series of enduring one difficult phase after another?

Then there is the other extreme, where the hardships of parenting cease to exist on social media. Feeds are filled with captions about how wonderful everything is, and the slightest complaint about motherhood solicits wrath that mothers should always be grateful and savor every second of it.

Is there no middle ground?

I’m a believer that extremes are just that, extreme, and no good comes from black and white thinking. I think we can extract bits and pieces from both mentalities, and that is a healthier way of viewing parenting.

Motherhood is hard. There is no reality in which that isn’t true. You are responsible for the life and well-being of another human being. If that isn’t an enormous task, I don’t know what is. Pretending it is all sunshine and rainbows puts even more pressure and guilt upon ourselves.

Each child is unique and comes with their own set of circumstances. Some children have more laid-back temperaments and others are more strong-willed. That said, there will be challenges with every new chapter. Unless you have a baby that miraculously sleeps throughout the night from the very beginning, parents are going to be sleep-deprived and overwhelmed by the around-the-clock care of another.

Those days do get easier, though. Babies eventually sleep. Parents eventually sleep (any day now). This too shall pass.

Young children will keep you on your toes. They are exploring and learning new things like a sponge soaked in water. Their curiosity is equal parts wonderous and grating when you’ve heard the one zillionth question.

The constant need to tend to them physically does subside as they become more independent. That is when wounds from scrapes and falls become replaced by wounds of the heart. The days of kissing or hugging away their pain is no longer, and there may be times when there are no words or actions you can take to make things better for them. It is a constant trade-off.

I’ve learned that within each stage there are lulls. Periods where you settle into that stage and start to grasp its intricacies and quirks. Times when the dust settles and you feel like you found solid footing.

Is each stage hard? Yes. Is each stage beautiful? Yes. That’s what makes this journey so remarkable. It keeps us on our toes while also allowing us to have front row seats as we watch our children grow and become.

Each phase has its own set of worries. Why isn’t my child sleeping? When will the meltdows stop? Why is my teen now living inside their bedroom? Each one also has its own set of precious memories. The first steps. The first full sentence. The first time their eyes searched for yours across a crowded room. The first time they were away from you for more than one night.

Circumstances change but some things remain. Their need for us. The importance of being a good role model. The unconditional love.

There will always be new curve balls thrown our way, but we endure. We realize that our children are more resilient than we give credit. We learn that we are stronger than we thought. We trust our own instincts. We understand that our love for our children doesn’t take away from the challenges of parenting, but it allows us to get through it.

We savor the highs and do our best through the lows.

I’ve learned to both embrace and brace myself for the “just wait.” It is a magical, terrifying, exhilarating, hard, beautiful road. It is every high, low, and all the in-betweens. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Just you wait.

xx,
Randi